Netflix's 'The Boyfriend' Shows the Kinder Side of LGBTQ+ Reality Show Dating

American television was the first to coin the phrase "trash TV," or rather it was bestowed upon us by some hoity-toity highbrow intellectual. It was never a label to be proud of and has since turned from a punched-down signifier to a contemporary formula for small-screen gold.

The sparsely filled watering hole within this expansive catalog is LGBTQ+ reality TV dating shows. One of the first examples was "A Shot at Love with Tia Tequila." Despite the clever name, MTV started using the formula as a gimmick that was so offensive GLAAD should have filed a class-action lawsuit against MTV on behalf of the entire LGBTQ+ community.

In "A Shot at Love," 16 heterosexual men and 16 lesbian contestants hoping to date the personality were sequestered to a mansion not knowing she was bisexual, and would be dating people from both pools, eliminating those who lacked chemistry with her. The show premiered on MTV in 2007. It was such a success the network brought it back for a second season. In 2018 Tequila, now a born-again Christian, said it was all a hoax and she wasn't bisexual at all, she only did it for the money and the entire experience was "disgusting."

As you can see, the thrill of these types of shows is the on and off-screen drama. They seem to cast a few problematic people on purpose to cause havoc among the tribe. Viewers want to see conflict, and producers want to see ratings. It's symbiotic.

That's what makes Netflix's new gay dating Japanese reality show "The Boyfriend" so refreshing. It's less confrontational and more conversational. The men in this show are a product of their culture which may make them more conservative, but that's OK because, unlike other shows in this genre, we aren't constantly consuming information about their sex life, or listening to pithy retorts that do nothing but raise red flags. It's as entertaining as it is exhausting and doesn't truly reflect how gay relationships work.

Although, sadly, the guys in "The Boyfriend" might not enjoy all the LGBTQ+ freedoms we do in the U.S., it's still nice to see that television can make a space for them to encourage positive change. It also has the honor of being Japan's first-ever gay dating reality show.

Meanwhile, in the West, gay dating reality shows continue to expose the worst in people. For instance, Netflix's "The Ultimatum: Queer Love" aired in 2023 and two cast members, Lexi Goldberg and Vanessa Papa, verbally sparred because the former thought the latter wasn't taking the show seriously enough. It was an icy introduction that soured before the show even began.

Take that same attitude and apply it to "The Boyfriend" and what you have are less incendiary conversations and more mature ones. Two men on the show, Dai and Shun, thought they had a connection but unfortunately, red flags unfurled high enough to cause a rift in their friendship. What followed was an honest conversation about feelings that were so relatable that neither was perceived as a villain. In America, producers might have seen that as a missed opportunity.

Unlike other gay dating reality shows, "The Boyfriend" doesn't encourage its group to fight by plying them with alcohol. Instead, the dates are done via a mobile coffee truck where two guys work side by side and serve the public. Their downtime is spent learning more about each other by sharing very poignant personal stories.

That kind of bonding is rare in Western shows, where producers seem to like to put their cast through challenges that result in dating as a consequence instead of an organic connection. That, coupled with gratuitous shots of bare skin, is great for viewership but may take away from genuine intimacy, something showrunners of these shows want you to believe is their motivation.

There is still room for sexy shots of men in wet speedos in gay reality TV. The men in "The Boyfriend" aren't exempt from taking their shirts off once in a while to expose perfectly toned torsos and chest muscles; there's no denying that sex sells no matter the country. But even as viewers lust over their fine athletic builds, the dialogue is concurrently scintillating. It doesn't devolve into name-calling or venom-dipped folderol.

Trash TV doesn't appear to be going away anytime soon. There will be more gay (and straight) reality dating shows to play as background fodder while we scroll through our phones on the couch. There will be more shows like "Prince Charming," "I Kissed a Boy" and "For the Love of DILFS," all worth their weight in entertainment gold.

That said, American television might want to take a few lessons from "The Boyfriend." Its casual approach to gay dating is refreshing and uncomplicated. The participants aren't trying to get into each other's pants as much as they are trying to get into each other's (and our) hearts.